Beginner's Guide

So, you've made the decision to dive into the Lifeweb, have you? Bad call, many would say as playing this game will be nothing but suffering an overwhelming majority of the time (especially for beginners) but the more you learn, the more of a chance you got to stay alive longer and as everyone knows, having a pulse translates to more fun.. Most of the time. I will not guide you through the process on just HOW you begin playing Lifeweb as a courtesy to both the community and to Hydrated as one of the multiple rows of excuses they've made to being absolute dickheads & closet faggots about sharing information to new people is to prevent overpopulation. First up is the mandatory explanation to you that this game is NOT fair in any way, shape or form. You will die, you will get fucked over by one or more people that have much more experience & tools & skills than you, you will be confused a grand majority of the time, you will be incredibly frustrated and you're most likely going to be raped and/or dissected into a thousand pieces by an asshole Serpent at some point. But fret not, the rounds reset into a clean slate every so often and there are typically 4 servers running at any given time which can translate into nigh infinite lives for you at any given time presuming that you're gonna take more than 5-10 minutes to die. I will structure this guide in such a manner that you will need to click certain text links in order to get the full grasp of what I'm saying but generally, I'm gonna try and keep as much as possible of it here.

Starting Out
When you first join a server, you will be prompted with a character creation screen. Here, you will be more or less forced to choose a variety of things for your character, varying from hair color to religion. Most of them don't matter too much except the "Vice"ADDLINK of your character. They are universally all bad in their own way but some are worse than others such as drug addictions, necrophilia or even pyrophobia, an irrational fear of fire in a universe where fire is pretty much the only light source you'll ever have. As such, some can really harshly cripple your ability to play the game so think long, logically and hard about what you want to start out with as failing to indulge your vice will cause your character to become sad and weak, suffering severe stat losses and more.

Next task will be choosing your role. AKA class, AKA "Fate"ADDLINK. This choice will dictate on what your 'official' profession/job will be during that round. There are TONS of them in Lifeweb and they all got their important task & roles to fulfill, all that require you to tackle different challenges while also having a wide variety of baseline information. For a listing of them, I recommend going here as it will take ages before I can gather enough knowledge and create a proper, dedicated page for every single class on this wiki, that listing will have to do for now and personally, I would recommend this roster for you to start out with:
 * SquireADDLINK
 * Servant
 * Bum

They all fly pretty low under the radar with little to no given tasks at any time which allows you to explore and learn the game at your own pace with only the occasional bloody beating / random murder. Evidently, you will not have the chance to play these that I've mentioned or even any other class if the match/server has been going on for a certain period of time. In this case, your only choice will be to play a MigrantADDLINK. Don't expect to survive for more than a few minutes as being a migrant means that you're gonna have to make your way (alone) to the fort that is far up north through a nightmarish cave system with monsters and carnivorous & poisonous plants everywhere.

Into the game
Once you have chosen your fate, you will be thrown into the game in three different ways.

If you're an outsider, such as a MigrantADDLINK, you will spawn far south of the fort in the caves on your back completely nude and defenseless. To be able to move, you must choose a "class" (much like a fate in the fort) in the top right to dictate what kind of migrant you are before you're given the bare essentials and allowed to move through the tunnels leading north, most definitely to your death.

If you join a server by readying up as the round starts, you will spawn inside of the fort.

However, if you join an ongoing round as an official role/job in the fort and the round has already started, you will spawn at a train station that will require you to take a train-ride over onto the fort, arrive at the train station there and then go outside the train (through the glass doors, otherwise you will fall and die horribly), go to the south, head east following the stone road and then straight up north through the fort gates. A variety of things can happen in these scenarios and the arguably worst possible one is that the fort will have run out of power.

No power means that the train station gates won't be able to open and you'll be stuck inside. In this case, you can either look around for a crowbar to pry them open with or trigger an emergency alarm repeatedly that is on a wall to the right of the train tracks and hope that someone will get annoyed enough by the auditory spam that it creates to come over and "help" you. If they don't care or are all otherwise unable/unwilling.. Well.

The Basics
The moment you are first given control of your character, you should focus on learning the UI (User Interface) inside and out. The arguably most important bit of it can be found on the right that includes the status of your health which should be a green skull/head. Click on it and you will get a status report on every single part of your body from feet to head along with how your character is currently feeling. You should FREQUENTLY check and keep an eye on this if you want to have any chance of staying alive for more than 5 minutes. To see a picture explaining every detail of the UI, click here

Along with all of that, you're also gonna have to keep in mind the 4 basic needs of humans. And these are:
 * Drinking
 * Eating
 * Pissing
 * Shitting

Failure to eat and drink will mean that your character will quite quickly begin to starve. You will constantly fall unconscious, not have any stamina to do anything and eventually, you'll start to take considerable amounts of damage until your character will suffer a heart-attack from acute dehydration and be on death's door/die subsequently. If your character does any kind of physically straining activities and/or gets overheated, he/she will need to chug water like no tomorrow (whilst preferably having small periods of rest) or suffer constant heart-attacks that will render you unconscious & helpless. All of these functions will be explained and elaborated on below in their own sections.

Water
You get water from sinks. They are scattered around here and there inside of the fort but the most convenient one is the one in the feeding hall (house with a giant table & stools inside, located pretty centrally in the fort, although a bit north) To drink directly from sinks, you need to press the middle mouse button (scroller) on them. To wash items or yourself, use M1. To gather water in a container, like a mug, you hold the mug in your desired hand and press M1. It's impossible to drink too much water in the Lifeweb so you should chug as much as you can whenever possible while also having some on you. Besides sinks, there are rivers outside the fort that can also be drunk from and you should do so whenever you can If you are an outsider, AKA a migrant. In a pinch because It's really gross, you can resort to drinking your own piss with no real consequence. The challenge to doing this however is that you have to pee in a container first which requires it to be in-between your legs/on the ground at the time of you peeing. Drinking excess water can help stave off starvation for a short duration.

Food
Getting food is almost always a challenge and will arguably be your first serious stepping-stone as a newcomer with no knowledge or experience. Even veteran players often struggle to find sufficient amounts of food depending on what state the fort is in (and the overall economy) but generally, the fort's inn usually provides food-related services in exchange for "Obols", the in-game currency. To buy/get food in the inn, you need to go upstairs to the small bar. Ring the buzzer and hope that there is an alive innkeeper that's manning the kitchen. Generally, they will give you food for free if you are in a really bad spot, otherwise they usually ask for 5 copper obols for one food item such as a bun, fried meat or some other monstrosity. If you have no money and the innkeeper(s) is(are) dead/won't give you food however, you're gonna have to resort to one out of two desperate measures. And these are:
 * Cannibalism
 * Traveling outside the fort to find Plump Helmets (Mushrooms you can eat right away for nutrition) and Meatshrooms (Mushrooms that have to be cooked over a fire to not be poisonous when digested.)

To effectively "become a cannibal", you need relatively fresh dead bodies.. Or body parts from newly mutilated people. All organs can be eaten as well but you should avoid livers and guts as they are toxic to consumption, even when cooked. It goes without saying that trying to eat/cook rotten/necrosis bodyparts will not end well for you. Limbs are generally considered "the best improv food" as they can be butchered into "normal" slabs of meat which you can cook or give to the innkeeper's chef to cook for you. To "Butcher" things, you need something with an edge that can "Slash". A knife, dagger, sword, sabre.. The list goes on. But before you can butcher a limb, you need to separate it from the torso of someone. To do that, you need to grab a knife (or similar), aim for the limb and click M3 (Middle mouse button/scroller) to cut it off. It may require repeated slashing first. Once you got the limb, you need to hold a slashing weapon in your hand and click on it to change It's "attack/use" mode from for example, stabbing to slashing with a knife and then click the limb in question repeatedly, preferably on a table as It has a higher success rate and is more hygienic.

Then once you FINALLY have slab(s) of meat or meatshroom, you can either risk it and take it to the inn and have the chef/innkeeper cook it for you (he might not give it back cooked for free or at all) or you could cook it yourself over any fire. To do so, hold a stab-capable weapon (wooden spears will work surprisingly) in one hand, put it in "stab" mode then grab the meat and slap it against the fire to improv-cook it. Certain foods may require you to target the mouth and then click on yourself to eat them.

Pissing & Shitting
Now to the more "dirty" parts of the game. To survive for more than 5 minutes, you need to drink water. And when you drink water, you're gonna have to take a piss later. If you're someone who works very hard physically in a hot environment such as the blacksmith, you are gonna have to drink a LOT of water to not have constant heart-attacks and that means you need to piss equally as much. Failure to pee properly/by yourself will result in your character pissing his/her pants which will turn both your character and his/her clothes dirty. The worse your hygiene is, the more susceptible you are to getting sick. It also affects your overall health and partially, your stamina itself. The same goes for eating. The more you eat, the more you are gonna have to shit and if you shit your pants, you're gonna be very bad off on both scenes of dating and hygiene.

To avoid being a stinking asshole, you're gonna have to learn on how to make your character pee/poo on demand. And doing so requires you to learn about the "Emote" menu, that can be found at the top right of your Lifeweb UI information window, here

Usually, you want to try and do your dirty business in a nearby toilet but It's perfectly fine doing it on the streets/somewhere with little to no traffic. Just remember that you (rather obviously) have to take your clothes off BEFORE doing your deed(s) and pay attention that by "stripping down", you are left very vulnerable so watch your back or you'll be getting as much fluids into you as you were trying to expel. Your character will also give you small text-prompts on how badly he needs to visit the bathroom but generally, you should go and do it whenever you have the free-time & safety to do so.

Poo itself is (surprisingly) an useful resource that can be used in a number of ways, ranging from a fertilizer, an improvised missile weapon to an improvised poison to coat your blade with for nigh guaranteed serious infections whenever you injure someone.

Hygiene
As briefly explained above, hygiene is another element of your character that you're gonna have to keep track of if you want to stay healthy, avoid diseases and have no stamina penalties, although there is usually much less consequence for failing to do so. If you for whatever reason fail to stay clean by shitting/pissing your clothes, getting dragged through mud etc, you can manually clean your clothes by holding them in your hand and pressing a nearby sink with M1. To properly have your body cleaned, you need to visit a shower. They can be located in the brothel which can be found south-west in the fort. If you're REALLY dirty, you're gonna have to shower several times before becoming clean yet again and the same goes for your clothes, you dirty ape.